Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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