dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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