just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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