and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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