i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
