You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
