Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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