I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
