I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have aggressive nipples.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
