and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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