Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
