ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
