I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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