who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
