does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
