9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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