I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
