Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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