I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need moral support for this bender
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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