Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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