I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
