i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
