Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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