I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
