Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
