i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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