so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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