i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he thought i was a dude.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
