when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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