plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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