porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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