When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nutella sex= disaster
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
