Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
