They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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