Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
