I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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