Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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