yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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