You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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