If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
