I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
