I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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