she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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