My hand turned me down
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
