Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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