OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
