Welp...herpes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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