i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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