Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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