I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
