I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
