I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize