Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
