You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
