Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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