I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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