My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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