Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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