Just cropdusted the office
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
that is very illegal...i love you.
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