Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
